The Mindfulness Response and Change
To break out of a negative pattern of behavior, or after a relapse, we need to re-examine what we were doing and change some things.
Communication:
I feel comfortable telling the clinic or my doctor that my symptoms have changed _____________________________________________________________
I can tell my doctor if I need a change in my medications _____________________
I can call and leave a message on the clinic phone __________________________
Sobriety:
Am I staying sober?
My sober friends are: ____________________________________________________________
My sober activities and support groups are: _____________________________________________________________
Individual Spirituality or Religion:
I find peace by _____________________________________________________________
Peace and spirituality in my life this way _____________________________________________________________
How can I put it into my life if it isn't there? _____________________________________________________________
A community that I can join, a church, synagogue, mosque, or temple, or an event to do with others who also find this peace is _____________________________________________________________
Service in the community/volunteer work/advocate
Service helps us find meaning in our lives and keeps us connected to others.
I can join activities or clubs in the community _____________________________________________________________
I can look at classes at community centers, schools, or other _____________________________________________________________
NAMI.org has free support groups.
Relationships
Do I have support at home? ____________________________________________________________
I can ask for help at a community center or call the customer service phone # on my insurance card to get a therapist or a doctor. _____________________________________________________________
Do I have grief and loss issues? _____________________________________________________________
Can I go to a support group? _____________________________________________________________
NAMI.org support groups are free, so are AA, NA, and others. They meet at local churches, synagogues, temples, mosques, and community centers and are open to anyone.
The Mindfulness Response and Changing Behaviors
Problem Behavior Alternative Behavior - O2E
Self-injurious behavior Rub thick lotion on the body
(SIB) Use hot and cold packs
Use distraction skills
Use deep breathing, mindfulness
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Psychiatry, medications
Substance Abuse Sobriety
Binge drinking on weekends Attend AA or NA
Substance Abuse and violence Psychiatry, medications
Explosive behaviors when angry Individual therapy
Psychiatry, medications
PTSD triggers, Support groups
Flashbacks Individual therapy to talk about it
Nightmares Psychiatry
PTSD initiates psychosis Psychiatry, individual therapy
Psychosis Psychiatry, individual therapy
Prostitution Safe behaviors contract
Individual therapist
County mental health or financial assistance
Dissociation Psychiatry, medications
Individual therapy
A team approach to recovery ensures that a person does not fall between the cracks in society and wind up homeless. Sometimes people have so much trouble that family members do not want them to live in their homes. This is where the County mental health workers, psychiatry, individual therapy, and support groups enter the picture. Being homeless is dangerous. Anyone can call the County Adult, Senior, or Children’s services and talk with them about the situation. The mental health workers can advise family members, friends, or the person about mental health services.
If a person is a danger to themselves or others, they must be reported to the police and brought to the Emergency Department at a nearby hospital to get help. At this point, they are considered a vulnerable adult. People can call the police on their non-emergency phone number and talk to them about situations to get help.
Safe communication practice:
Write a letter and send it.
Make a phone call, where you can easily exit, hang up, or say politely:
“I will call you back, take care, good-bye.”
“Ok, I have to go.”
“Someone is here, goodbye.”
“I’ll talk to you again, got to go.”
Text
Reconsider Communication Styles
Reconsider using social media sites for communication. This type of communication may create different boundaries for you. Boundaries are blurred and not so easy to distinguish. When you mail a letter, it is done, and the perpetrator is not at your home. When you make a phone call, you can exit quickly by hanging up, to get out of the conversation.
Reconsider going to a party at the person’s house. If there are drugs or alcohol present, do not go. You are no longer obliged to go to any family, ex-partner, or friend’s event. You can make your own decisions, even though the shame arises. You can say no, “It just does not work out with my schedule, sorry. I will catch you later.”
Shame needs to be acknowledged for what it is. and what is has done to the person. Shame changes behaviors, thoughts, and feelings in people. Shame endures over years, and may need therapy to understand it, and reduce its impact on a person.
However, we decide to accept shame into our lives and allow it to affect us, is now our own decision. We can choose to accept insults from others, or not, and to change our opinion of other people’s statements. We can ignore insults, and find more supportive friends, and/or family members if needed.
We need to understand what it is, and how we define it. We can decide that “I no longer am accepting shame for this issue, since I was unknowing, inexperienced, a child, a dependent, a victim of random violence, in the wrong place, or other….”
We can choose to release the shame, let it go, and move on to a new chapter in our lives.
This involves creating safe relationships, leaving dangerous, abusive relationships behind, and not going back. Sometimes this means creating a new set of friends, or a substitute family. This can be hard to do and is a period of exploration. A person needs courage, curiosity, and desire to complete this.
You have accepted the shame and guilt in your life, for it to be present and have power over you. It helps to meditate on the feeling to understand why you allowed this feeling to remain. Shame and guilt held you prisoner in your beliefs.
The Mindfulness Response recognizes that people are good and that they can change.
You can choose to let go of shame and leave the shame and guilt behind. This is a challenge. It takes inner understanding and a willingness to examine your negative thoughts, your actions, and your responses to others. This is achieved with mindfulness and other concepts of self-compassion, along with multiple therapy skills, and a team of providers. A supportive person is necessary.
Setting Boundaries
Friends or family can become problems for us if they do not believe we need help. Friends, families, and some religions do not believe that mental illness exists. Just like a heart condition or diabetes, people with recurrent and severe mental illness need help from psychiatry prescribers, a therapist, and a Primary Care Physician. Some group therapy participants had county social workers or legal providers to assist in their care. When people do not believe you need the help, but professionals say you do, it may be time to set a boundary with them.
A boundary is a personal choice. Sometimes the person does not want the professional mental health team, and at that time the court system may step into the decision-making process when a person is a minor, a danger to themselves, or threatening to harm others.
Participants talked about how their family was doing drugs and not staying sober and that they were more trouble than they could handle. The group helped them find substitute family members through support groups or AA, Al-Anon, NA, or other groups.
I couldn’t rely on my family. None of them were sober. They were all druggies. I had to set a limit and not see them to get healthy.
I couldn’t go home on holidays to my family. There were always fights, arguments, and violence. I couldn’t take it anymore. I made a family of some friends and decided to go on holiday with them.
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