Visualize what you want in your future
What is something that you would like to have in your life?
Find a picture or an object that represents this. Describe it:
Write about it or make a collage of what you would like in your life
Radical Acceptance and DBT
Radical Acceptance teaches us to acknowledge pain and suffering which helps us overcome past trauma.
1. Observe your thoughts, feelings, images, body sensations. Write them down on paper.
2. Accept what happened and describe it on paper
3. Name the causes of the unpleasant situation
4. Become non-judgmental about the past and yourself. Do not call yourself names, criticize yourself, or swear at yourself. Try to be non-judgmental with others.
5. Imagine what you want to do in the next month or 3 months, 6 months, and the next year, and write it down.
6. List alternative behaviors you could do to reach near-future goals. Imagine that you do not have negative thoughts, feelings, sensations, or images, and can accept the past.
7. Name grief and loss issues associated with past suffering, pain, trauma
8. Use Common Humanity skills from Self-Compassion. Everyone will have trouble, painful memories, and suffering. I am not alone. Seek out support groups. Talk to others. Do not isolate yourself from others
9. List reasons to change that help you reach goals for the next 6 months, and the next year.
10. Consider what you must do to release and let go of past painful issues.
ACCEPTANCE
Change the negative thoughts to neutral or positive reaffirming thoughts
Observe, Notice Acknowledge and Accept Negative Thought
She was younger She has gained knowledge She is stupid, crazy
He was abused as a kid He is in therapy for it He is to blame.
They feel defective They have trauma nightmares They deserve it.
She is addicted She goes to AA and treatment. She will never heal.
They feel ashamed They had arguments They are worthless.
He is scared. He got arrested twice. He is a drunkard.
I am a gift . I am changing. I’m not good enough.
How will you care for yourself today? _____________________________________________________________
Who is my support? _____________________________________________________________
Where is a support group I can attend in person or online? (NAMI.org)
_____________________________________________________________
I have difficulty changing my mindset, or my attitude.
We need to understand what it is, and how we define it. We can decide to change our perceptions or our mindset. This isn’t an easy task, and it is not done quickly. It takes time and requires support from someone who can be objective. Group therapy participants sought out support groups to find safe ways to express their feelings.
Changing a Mindset or an Attitude
A problem takes two people, not just one, to blame.
A mistake may be helpful. We can learn from it. It may be life-changing.
There is always the possibility for better things.
Tomorrow is another chance to try something new or different.
This is temporary.
There is no reason to blame myself for that.
My whole life will not fall apart, just because of what happened.
I have support from _____________________________________________________________
I am grateful for _____________________________________________________________
Find a picture that reminds you of someone that you love and someone who loves you.
Find an object that reminds you of someone supportive of you. (a photo in a locket).
Consider willingness and willfulness.
Try to move away from judgmental thoughts and use only facts.
Use self-compassion and apply it to negative thoughts.
Talk honestly with your providers about your symptoms: low motivation, low energy…
Some people were unable to change their mindset, opinions, or actions. They may need to review life changes. Accepting change in our lives is not easy to do. The group discussed trying to change but being held back by a strong mood, negative thoughts, or disappointing consequences. Sometimes personality takes over and gets in the way of our healing. Some group members cried over issues they assumed were resolved but continued to have trouble in another area of life. Sometimes another person can see that we need help, but we cannot see it in ourselves.
Willfulness Add Self-Compassion Willingness
Stubborn Review acceptance. Receptive
Obstinate Understand all the facts. Ready
Persistence Try to see the other side. Eager
Tenacity Changing behaviors is not easy. Compliance
Deliberately I don’t feel ashamed. Obliging
Self –Compassion: Shame and Forgiveness
Certain thoughts and feelings can cause us to recall instances from the past that we regret and may blame ourselves for the situation. Self-Compassion teaches us to recognize and acknowledge those thoughts and feelings, but to practice a different reaction to them. Forgiving yourself for the Past is a process that takes time. It involves gaining an inner understanding, reconsidering issues, and re-framing your reaction to the past, and then reconciling with yourself (Brown, 2012, Neff, 2011).
Instead of blaming yourself, realize that you did the best that you could, at that time. You may decide today to do it differently, but we cannot go back in time. We can only manage the present time. We can only change our present actions, not our past. We can only change what we do today.
This process is done while practicing 5-10 minutes of mindfulness, relaxation with deep breathing every day. Mindfulness helps us gain personal knowledge of the Past, our feelings and thoughts, sensations, and images. Mindfulness helps us learn to disengage from the distress. This takes practice over about five weeks. It is helpful to work with a therapist during this time.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is used to help us clear our minds, be able to hear what we are thinking, and understand ourselves. This helps us reduce depression and anxiety, by enabling ourselves to understand what feelings we have and what negative thoughts or thought distortions we have.
Try for 10 minutes to do deep breathing from your diaphragm. Hold your breath for a count to three, and then release the breath and push the breath out of your lungs slowly. Listen to calm music, or sounds, or to your breathing. Slow yourself down. Slow your life down, and slow the negative thoughts down, so that you can re-focus. Mindfulness can be done sitting still or moving. Everyday actions and chores can be done mindfully, if we learn to become present and observe what our body is doing, what our thoughts are doing, our feelings, and how our bodies react to the thoughts and feelings. We can choose how to react. We can re-direct our negative thoughts.
Observe the thoughts that you have during a mindfulness practice
What are they? _____________________________________________________________
How do I feel at the end of the day? _____________________________________________________________
Time
Time is important in this USA culture and achieving numerous goals as fast as possible is the ideal way to success. Multi-tasking, and working under pressure of deadlines, are considered an act of bravery in the corporate world. This does not mean it is healthy and it doesn’t mean it’s effective. Trying to do too much at one time can give anyone a headache. It is more effective to do “One Thing At A Time.”
Do I pressure myself to hurry up and finish things?
Am I able to focus on my tasks at the same time and get everything done? _____________________________________________________________
It's important to keep yourself in the present time. You can only control the current moment, which is now, not in the future, and not back in the past. We can make decisions to change our future by making a doctor’s appointment, choosing healthy nutrition, keeping a regular sleep schedule, and taking care of our health each day.
What decisions we make right now affect our future. This is no small task. This involves understanding our behaviors, why we have certain patterns, and why we do not want to change them. Becoming aware of the present time is not an easy task. It involves regular practice, since the mind wanders, and we get lost in our thoughts.
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